Hello, teenage me!

I have often been asked “how long have you been bipolar?” or “how long have you had ADHD?” What they are really trying to ask is, “how long have you known you had these disorders?” I have literally known all of my life that something was off but I never had an official ADHD or bipolar 2 label for them until I was about 30.

Most of my memories involve sleepless nights trying to write or draw the night away. I used to enjoy drawing cartoon characters, as it was impossible focus long enough to dissect an image in-depth. My ADHD made it nearly impossible to focus beyond getting the pencil to the paper, let alone trying to figure out the relationship between lighting and perspective. At least with cartoon characters, their Iines were clear cut and they weren’t going anywhere.

Recently my mom decided to do some “spring (summer) cleaning” and she pulled out some of my high school work. It really gripped me how painful things were back then and still are now. In my realm of mental illness, not much has changed. Feeling deeply alone, lost and hopeless then has merely been replaced with feeling slightly less alone at times, frustration with treatment and wavering hope for a brighter future. Below is a piece I drew 14 years ago. It struck me how long I’ve been dealing with this pain and how real it still is…and will always be. This Bipolar 2 and ADHD journey has been a long and painful one and unfortunately some parts will never change. However, you have to keep showing up and hoping that today will be a better day. Speaking my truth and telling my story is one way to try and ease the pain.

#bipolardepression #depression #adhd #fightthestigma #lifewithmentalillness #bipolar2 #mooddisorder #mentalillness #livingwithmentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthstigma